


Volatile Point

by LadyOfTheOldWorld



Series: Like Walking on Broken Glass [6]
Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Abandonment Issues, Abusvie Tatara (Tokyo Ghoul), Agender Character, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alcohol Withdrawal, Alcoholic Tatara (Tokyo Ghoul), All Houji's patience goes to Tatara, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, And is much less apologetic about being an asshole about it, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angstbuilding?, Angsty Worldbuilding?, Arima on the other hand would straight-up kill to keep Eto safe, Arima's EXTREMELY salty, Asexuality Spectrum, Borderline Personality Disorder, But that's an issue for later, But that's just background, Dead Dove: Do Not Eat, Demisexual Character, Demisexuality, Dysfunctional Family, Dysfunctional Relationships, F/M, Families of Choice, Fluff and Angst, Gender Dysphoria, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Heavy Angst, I repeat, I wrote so much I'm probably forgetting a lot of tags, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, In the sense of being sex-positve sex-neutral or sex-repulsed, M/M, Nonbinary Character, Other, Pack Bonding, Pack Dynamics, Platonic Kissing, Platonic Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pregnancy, Pregnant Trans Character, Sex-Neutral Character, So he kind of comes off as an ass to everyone else, Sort Of, Take has been in love with Arima for a long time, Take/His Partner is surprisingly stable all thing considered, Trans Character, Trans Female Character, Trans Male Character, Trans Tatara (Tokyo Ghoul), Trans Yoshimura Eto | Takatsuki Sen, Unconventional Families, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unhealthy Relationships, Unplanned Pregnancy, Unrequited Love, Vomiting, Worldangsting?, Worldbuilding, Worldbuilding angst?, Yoshimura Eto | Takatsuki Sen has Abandonment Issues, Yoshimura Eto | Takatsuki Sen has Borderline Personality Disorder, Yoshimura Eto | Takatsuki Sen has PTSD, kind of?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-15 15:56:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19298968
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyOfTheOldWorld/pseuds/LadyOfTheOldWorld
Summary: Immediately following "Type II Error" -- Kishou plots; Tatara unravels.





	Volatile Point

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mercyandmagic](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercyandmagic/gifts).



> "I'm not good at writing other characters," I say, as I write other characters. God, I wrote so much my brain is mush... but I still enjoyed it XD Arima and co. are in their last year of high school. I'm probably forgetting so much as far as triggers go, please feel free to remind me of them/suggest tags. Translation/usage notes at the end.

A month was, in Kishou’s opinion, both too long and too short a time.

On the one hand, it was _perfectly logical_ for him to find it too short a time between when Eto had last come barging into his apartment and now. It had only been a few short weeks since that day she had arrived in a clear state of distress, the reasons for which she had never disclosed, and it made him angrier than anything else ever had up to this point. It was _disgusting_ how little her parents – could he truly call the two men that, if _this_ were the sate she was in, _yet again_? – seemed to really care about her well-being. Oh, far be it from _Houji_ to seem like _anything_ but the doting ~~adoptive~~ father in public, but behind closed doors? To say that the man could be callous, unless it concerned his _bitch_ , was an understatement. As for Tatara – well. Though the young alpha had only met the man once or twice, it had been clear as day just how angry and unstable the omega truly was, despite Houji’s best efforts to keep him calm. Not to mention, the bits he got from Eto painted the Chinese man in an even _worse_ light.

All of that said, on the other hand, it was entirely _ridiculously illogical_ for Kishou to find it too long a time. A voice that sounded altogether like his Father’s chided that he was being unreasonable and selfish – so very _unlike_ himself – but the blue-haired alpha was self-aware enough to know that selfishness was only one part of what fueled his reaction to the situation. The rest was truthfully a sense of possessiveness he had never before known, though he had witnessed it often enough in _other_ alphas, where their mate(s) or pack were concerned. (The example that sprung to mind immediately, was the alpha his best friend was dating, who considered him and Take part of their pack.) Lately whenever he thought of Houji, someone he had once looked up to and respected, that possessiveness sparked to life with what should have been alarming intensity almost immediately. _He_ was Eto’s mate, _he_ was her alpha – _not_ Houji.

In those moments of near-feral instinct, Kishou wanted nothing more than to say _hang the law_ , despite his ties to and projected career path in law enforcement. But then he would think of Eto, of how that sort of decision would make _her_ feel, and shame would quickly extinguish the flames inside of him. He had _no right_ to be thinking of life-altering things like that without giving her a choice, illegal nature completely aside. That was something her so-called "parents" would have done, and he would have sooner _slit his own throat_ than inflict that kind of pain on her. After too long of having had her choices taken from her, of having had them made _for_ her by the cruelty of Fate and those around her, he would do everything in his power to give her back the freedom and safety to make her own decisions. Within reason, of course – there were certain things he couldn’t do, certain things he couldn’t give her, no matter how desperately he wished he _could_.

A tiny whimper from the girl he held both delicately and firmly in his arms brought him back to reality. Casting a quick glance at the clock on the wall (he wasn’t in the best position to read it, but would make do), Kishou breathed an inward sigh of relief when he realized only a moment or two had passed since Eto had launched herself into his arms. Easing the door closed with a foot, the alpha gathered her up more securely so he could carry her over to the couch. It was a bitter reprise of what had happened a month ago, even if some of the details were different this time. While he was on much surer footing this time, Eto was sans school bag and shoes. The latter worried him, as it likely meant she’d fled only _after_ arriving home this time, rather than having not even made it in the door at all. Wrapping her in the throw blanket he kept folded over the back, he murmured he would be back in a moment, quickly going to lock the door behind them.

That done, the bluenette returned to wrap himself around his tiny mate. Leaning back against the arm of the couch, he ignored that it wasn’t entirely the most pleasant of positions, in favor of nuzzling into the crown of her head as he carded skilled fingers through her wild hair. "…You forgot your shoes," Kishou murmured eventually, voice soft and tone nonjudgmental, when her hysterical sobs began to ease into quiet sniffles. It was the most neutral thing he could think to say; an invitation to explain or deflect as she felt the need. While he would have appreciated Eto opening up a bit, he wouldn’t push her for it. Just going off of where he had found her, and what she had attempted to make him do, screamed the kind of circumstances that more than earned someone the right to silence.

It took a few moments, but eventually the tiny omega found words, voice tiny and face all but buried against his chest. "I d-didn’t ha-ve the ti-time to…" Or she simply hadn’t been in the right mental state to think about it, not that it really mattered. Even wrapped in a blanket, even already shivering and shuddering, he felt her flinch.

"It’s alright," he soothed, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "You’re okay. You don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want to." The alpha thought he heard her eke out a whispered, " _Maybe later_ ," but couldn’t have been sure, just then.

But even if she didn’t say anything – quite a long _talk_ with Houji was overdue, in any case. As the silence stretched, Kishou found his mind wandering, reflecting back on a conversation he had had with his best friend and Take’s significant other about two weeks ago. Normally, he wasn’t this contemplative about the past, but once again needing to calm a nearly inconsolable Eto brought it to mind. After all, they _had_ been discussing her…

Over the past two years, Kishou had become relatively familiar with (one of) the off-base apartment complex(es) used by the military. It stood to reason, after all, given Take’s partner lived in a tiny studio apartment paid for by their employers. In the two years he had known them, Aki Suzuki had seemed to be constantly evolving. Not that any of the changes had happened quickly, of course, but they had slowly grown from the scared sixteen-year-old that jumped at the drop of a hat and could hardly stand criticism. An odd combination one might have thought unsuited to the military, but that somehow worked. (It likely had something to do with the fact that Aki always did well enough to be spared any _personal_ criticism.) Part of their contract stipulated they had to attend – or rather, _finish_ , as they weren’t native to Japan – high school, which was where he and Take had met them. Kishou couldn’t say what had drawn him to the other alpha as a friend, only that something had, and where _he_ went… well.

_Incapable of independent thought_ had often been a taunt thrown at Take, during middle school.

It had taken a few weeks for Aki to open up, a process helped by the fact that they shared classes with both boys, and were partners with one or the other for various projects. Slowly, the three of them had grown closer and closer together, and by the end of the year it was almost as if Aki had been there since they met at six. Weekends had often been spent in Aki’s tiny apartment, as neither he nor Take much liked spending time with their own families, and over time Kishou had watched Aki fall for the quiet yet fiercely loyal beta. Not that the other alpha had even noticed it themself, of course, until he had pointed it out. Even despite the elephant in the room (as the American would have referred to the brunette’s unspoken feelings), Aki had still asked Take out, and the two had been dating steadily for the past year. Though he had never entertained the idea of a relationship before then, part of the bluenette had watched the par wistfully all the same.

Then six months ago he had met Eto, and color had exploded into his world, though he hadn’t known he was living in monochrome up until then. While Aki had merely lifted their eyebrows in silent surprise at the development, one amusingly completely disappearing under their left-swept bangs, it had been Take’s reaction that had truly worried Kishou. Even if he had known even then that he wouldn’t have chosen his best friend over Eto, it didn’t mean that he wanted to _hurt_ the boy who had been by his side (and silently pining for him) for over ten years. As Aki – demisexual, and sex-neutral on their best days – had taught them both, love came in _many_ forms; just because he was _in love_ with Eto, didn’t mean he didn’t love the beta, too. But as ever, Take had only said he was glad Kishou had found someone (and that he should be careful, but by then the beta was just echoing Aki’s words on the matter).

The conversation two weeks ago had been prompted by the redheaded alpha asking how he and Eto were doing, since of course he had told them about what had become known as "the incident" among his family and his mate’s. As he could with only them and Take, he had admitted that he was worried, but that he didn’t want to push the subject and risk Eto bolting. Aki, dressed in the bottoms to their fatigues and a long-sleeved shirt rather than their school uniform like the two boys, had frowned at the admission. As ever, it was a weekend and they were in the American’s apartment, homework and drinks spread across the coffee table. Getting to their feet, the other alpha had made their way over to a bookshelf, and returned with a well-read psychology textbook. (While they did enjoy being in the military, their passion for psychiatry rivaled Take’s general _dispassion_ for most things.) "I’m not licensed," Aki had cautioned, "so I can’t diagnose anything, but a starting point’s better than nothing..."

It had taken the better part of a few hours, but at least it had given Kishou some concrete possibilities to work with, and left him feeling less helplessly unmoored. (Take, meanwhile, had been silently doing all of their homework himself. How the beta could match both alphas’ handwriting, the bluenette would never know.) As the two boys had been leaving, Aki had pulled him aside for a private conversation. An alibi had been given to Take – something about rut suppressants – and the two alphas had soon found themselves alone. Not that the redhead actually wanted to talk about that, of course. "Again," they had advised him, words insistent but brown eyes soft, "I’m not a psychiatrist, but if I’m right about _anything_ we talked about, and I hope to God I’m not… You and your little owl have an even harder road ahead of you." Then they had kissed him on the forehead, and bid him goodnight.

Obvious as they may have seemed, the taller alpha’s words hadn’t left him even now. The soft tickle of breath against his neck roused Kishou from his thoughts, and he glanced down to find that Eto had fallen asleep. Well, at least her rest didn’t look troubled, something that the circles under her captivating mismatched eyes screamed that her sleep at home was. Belatedly realizing the position they were in was just as uncomfortable as he had known it would be, the alpha reached for a pillow to shove under his head, before removing both Eto’s glasses and his own. Setting both pairs on the coffee table, he wrapped himself more securely and comfortably around his tiny omega. Deciding that a nap before dinner couldn’t hurt anything, it was a Friday after all, the silver-eyed boy settled in. "We’ll talk later, hm?" he mused softly, smiling equally gently, finally allowing himself to relax. It was easy to let down his walls, when he was with Eto, he had come to realize.

Sleep came quickly after, her mint scent soothing his mind quiet.

* * *

When Houji eventually gave up on catching Eto, he returned to find Tatara braced against the kitchen sink, face grey and jaw clenched. Of course, not even withdrawals and the near-constant threat of throwing up could curb the omega’s caustic tongue. In fact, the whole situation just made it _worse_. Bloodshot red eyes met his mate’s own tried grey, the shorter of the two lashing out predictably, as the alpha wearily made his way to the stove to make tea. "Outwitted and out run by a _kid_ ," the Chinese man mocked, breathing shallowly, somehow suppressing the tremors skittering up and down his spine. "And you call yourself a cop. _Pathetic_."

Having expected the change, the ravenette didn’t comment on it, simply responding in kind. Though Chinese wasn’t his mother tongue the way it was Tatara’s, Houji had been fluent long before they met. "Go sit down, _qīnài de_ ," he murmured. "I’ll make you some tea." Trying peppermint for the relentless nausea had been something of a fiasco, though he didn’t know if that had been because Tatara didn’t like it, or if it simply didn’t work. Or, if the omega had just already been in the kind of mood where throwing a mug against a wall just to hear it shatter should have been expected. Regardless, ginger was next on the list.

Predictably, the white-haired male’s hackles rose almost instantly. "I don’t _fucking_ want tea," he growled, the spike in his own scent in response to his aggression nearly doubling him over not a moment later, as he valiantly fought the violent urge to vomit. There wasn’t anything in his system _to_ vomit, damnit! Gasping raggedly when it eventually passed, Tatara bit down on an instinctive whine. He may have been an omega, but he wasn’t fucking _weak_ – he didn’t need to be _coddled_ by his mate at every fucking turn.

Like a fool, Houji took the bait. Sure that the water wouldn’t boil over if he took his attention off of it for a bit, the ravenette turned to lean against the counter. Gazing at his beloved, he knew his eyes expressed his hope plainly. Hope that this time, _this one time_ , the answer might be different. "Then what _do_ you want?"

A vindictive part of him enjoyed crushing that hope, but that wasn’t the part in control of his brain, just then. "What do you fucking _think_?" the younger of the two spat, heedlessly shoving away from the sink to swing around and glare daggers. "Don’t ask _stupid_ questions."

Perfectly attuned – as if he’d been doing it for years, rather than just six months – the alpha reached back to shut off the stove and then caught him as he fell, knees giving out and stomach rebelling. With an arm wrapped securely around his chest, the ravenette held his mate against the counter, so he could throw up into the sink rather than all over the floor. "I’ll get you through this." Though worded as a reassurance, there was a hard edge to his voice. Houji continued, as he reached for tissues to clean up Tatara’s face, even as the omega tried to weakly shove him away. "Even if I have to drag you, kicking and screaming." He may have had an insane amount of love for and patience with this man, but even _that_ was starting to wear thin.

"Kn-Knew you only fuckin’ – cared ‘bout the _brats_ ," the shorter male sneered. But even with his pallid features twisted, even with his best efforts, he couldn’t stop his voice from shaking and cracking. He fucking hated himself for it, almost as much as he hated himself for letting his alpha drag him none-too-gently down to the kitchen floor.

"I said ' _you_ ,' didn’t I?" Houji muttered tiredly, bodily hauling Tatara into his lap. "I love you, _and_ them, but it’s not like I’d have to _think_ about choosing you." Even almost five years ago, he’d known that most of Tatara’s acerbic personality was a coping mechanism to hide how much he wanted to be cared for, to hide how much he was still hurting and traumatized from what had happened in China. It was the sort of mixture of survivors guilt and anger at being abandoned in the first place that could easily rip someone apart – and that wasn’t even taking into account his natural inclination toward being hot-blooded. Speaking truth worded as reassurance was something the older man had gotten adept at quickly.

"Fuck off," the omega growled quietly, having begrudgingly yet instinctively nuzzled against his mate’s neck, the scent of leather and metal soothing even if he didn’t want to admit it. The lack of heat or force in the words just made the alpha hum in response, conversation stilling for the time being.

Honestly, Tatara didn’t have a clue how he felt about the whole situation, not beyond livid. And, really, he could _at least_ admit the fury was mostly directed toward the fact that Houji had stripped him of his coping mechanism. Or, batter put, the coping mechanism that helped the _most_. Dulled the edges of reality more than a knife, made him feel less like he should’ve been dead than his antidepressants. He could, at least, admit it was easier to focus everything on that anger. Easier than sorting out the chaotic jumble inside of himself, with each and every aspect, feeling, and thought all leading somewhere else completely. Easier than being any more honest with himself than he was already. Easier than admitting that, really? Truly? Even underneath all that anger, was the root of everything. For all that he claimed otherwise, for all that he was loath to show it even to Houji even now – he was _afraid_.

More than ever, everything was entirely out of his control. Even more than when his hips had widened, his chest had filled out and become disgustingly soft, his voice rising instead of deepening. Even more than when he had presented, an _omega_ instead of an alpha like Yan, or even a beta like Fei. Even more than when he’d been stupid enough to tell his so-called "parents" how he felt, and been told that they should have drowned him when he was born in return. All of that, every single painful minute, had been _nothing_ compared to this. Two more realizations had come along with that thought, however, and had made things even worse. He couldn’t have been more than eight weeks along, so barring complications, he had at _minimum_ thirty-two to go. And, somehow even worse than everything else… if he were anything like Fei, then he was _doubly_ inclined to multiple litters. (Omegas were predisposed to multiple litters; even if not all made it to term, _carrying_ single children was almost unheard of for them.)

Everything _hurt_ – sometimes just being aware of being _conscious_ hurt – and Tatara knew it would get worse before it got better. Not that it was all physical, but at least that he could focus on and still feel like he could breathe. Focusing on how his chest ached, as a completely physical sensation outside of all his emotions, didn’t feel like a sucker-punch. Focusing on how his head swam from vertigo, how his throat burned from acid, how his hands shook from tremors was easier than thinking about how he felt about what _caused_ all of the sensations. And right now, given how he was freezing out his psychiatrist almost every session, he would do _anything_ to avoid actually processing. (So long as he attended the weekly appointments, and at least marginally cooperated, the beta couldn’t legally say _shit_ to Houji.) A soft nudge to his shoulder made the omega start blearily, an instinctive whine escaping entirely without his consent. When had he fallen asleep…?

"Shhh, _xīngān_ ," Houji murmured, carefully picking Tatara up not unlike a bride, one arm securely around his shoulders and the other under his knees. "I’ve got you, you’re okay."

As much as the Chinese male wanted to protest, both at being hushed and being carried like a _woman_ , it seemed that exhaustion had already sunk its claws into him. Only another soft, pitiful whine came out, this time almost muffled by his mate’s shoulder. So much for not being weak… _whatever_. He decided he was too tired to care, just then. It didn’t take long for Houji to carry him upstairs, or to settle him on their bed, but persuading the omega out of his clothes and into pajamas (loose cotton pants and one of the alpha’s sweatshirts) was where the snag came. Coaxing Tatara out of his binder was almost an exercise in futility on a normal day, but on days like _this_? On days like this, it was like trying to bathe a cat, even _without_ the hissing and scratching thanks to how tired he was. Eventually however, the ravenette managed it, along with getting his unhappy mate to drink the tea he’d made. Setting the empty mug on the nightstand, Houji decided to stop pushing his luck; it could have gone _much_ worse, after all.

Settling on the bed himself, he curled around Tatara, unsurprised to find him asleep again.

**Author's Note:**

> A volatile point (or a point of volatility) is a change point that is particularly high or particularly low -- usually of a liquid changing into a gas.
> 
> Qīnài de (亲爱的) -- expresses a fairly close relationship between people. It is most commonly used between spouses and lovers, when "亲爱的" is used as a noun, like "dear" or "darling."
> 
> Xīngān (心肝) -- literally means "heart and liver." The term is used to recognize the most important person, without whom you cannot live (just like how you can’t live without your heart or liver). The English term "my heart and soul" might come close to the intense meaning of "心肝". Overall, "心肝" is a very strong term of endearment, to be reserved only for those who are extremely precious.
> 
> Translation/usage notes found at
> 
> http://blog.tutorming.com/mandarin-chinese-learning-tips/chinese-terms-of-endearment
> 
> because it won't let me insert a link and I've been trying for half an hour to make it work.


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